Well, It’s been a long time since my last post! I apologize greatly for this! I have been so busy with my day job and working hard at the gym and since my schedule has been flipped around so much it has become increasingly hard to write well. Any who, an update of whats going on isn’t too much. My contract ended with my agent in mid April and I hope to sign on with another agent in the near future. Furthermore, Because of fantastic studios such as NakedSword and Falcon I have received a lot of positive attention as of late and I can’t thank them enough for all of that! That being said, I also ‘really’ want a contract with a studio. I am hoping that with a contract I can expand my idealism about sexual positivity (the idea the sex can be a positive and perhaps a healing experience) AND of course, make more extremely sexy videos ;). I also plan to support more charity events by donation and/or making appearances. All that aside I did manage to collect some questions to answer for you folks…here are the most interesting that I had a chance to answer. As you know I post age, sex, and general location(s) but no names. Enjoy!
Hey Wolfie,
I am writing to you because I have this problem with my own body. Since I have started a relationship I have put on a few extra pounds and I hate it. When I stare in the mirror I feel so ugly and being so, I have no sex drive and feel really guilty about it when my partner and I try to get into the mood. I wish I could look like those guys on the fitness magazines! Can you help me?
Male, 28 Idaho
Hey there! You know I had to sit awhile before I could answer you. This is a tough problem that both affects men and women. There is actually a cycle that affects certain behavioral patterns when it comes to sex and body image and it is responsible for the development of certain ‘cultural diseases’ perpetuated by some cultures. I drew this chart for you to get an idea of what happens when body image and sex is negatively impacted culture in terms of behavior:
The cycle demonstrates what happens when body image is negatively affected by societal norms and taboos in correlation with sex and desire.
By some degree, one’s idea(s) of beauty, confidence, and well-being is affected by culture. Outside and Inside stimuli such as act of sex, desire, arousal, and pleasure is filtered into self-image. Self-image involves your feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes about yourself and what you deem attractive reside here. The cycle of arrows represent western culture’s (ALTHOUGH more kinds of cultures can be considered here) norms and taboos concerning body image. This could involve physical attributes, career, and attitudes. Moving forward, a “comfort” response may or may not happen in response to these norms and taboos if self-image clashes with it. This could mean eating and drinking certain foods in large amounts OR restriction of foods and drinks (i.e. eating disorders), participation in a plethora of activities, changing physical appearance, and/or anything that may bring an illusion of control to the individual. Whether a comfort response is triggered or not; negative self-impact is developed to some degree, which may cause self-destructive behaviors and aversions or dislike towards activities such as sex and intimacy. This is where the cycle is repeated.
Now, that you know the nature of where it may stem from let us focus on some solution(s):
- Exercise and a good diet is actually a good part of stimulating your self-image and does not have to feed into a vicious cycle. In fact, you don’t have to fight cultural norms and stigmas to feel good about yourself, you can work with them in fact, to transform them into something better for all.
- Recognize that beauty, health, and strength comes in all sizes so do your best to embrace your qualities.
- expanding on the last point, change your self-talk. Remind yourself that you feel “wonderful”! The more you respond with adjectives like: wonderful, fantastic, sexy, etc. when people ask how you are, the more likely you will begin to feel and embrace those qualities.
- Learn some DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) skills or exercises to live in the present moment.
- Finally, Live assertively!! Assertiveness allows people to express their honest feelings comfortably, to be open and direct, without anxiety or guilt.
More so, talk to your partner about your feelings. Perhaps you two can explore something that works for both of you. Remember, When you’re comfortable with who you are on the inside, your attractiveness is infectious on the outside!
Wolfie,
My new boyfriend and I have sex every night but I am afraid of what will happen if I am not in the mood, or better yet, if he is not in the mood. What should I do if this happens?
Male, 23 Washington
Interestingly enough, the first time one of you does not want to have sex will speak a lot about your sexual potential together. If you complain, your partner may feel like you care more about your sexual needs than his feelings. If this should happen, show affection and pay attention. If you really want to get off you might ask if you could hold him while you masturbate. If the reverse happens, you can always offer to hold him while he masturbates. If you are too tired to have sex, you can always pitch something like: “Tomorrow night I will romance you and I will plan something very special.” This helps your boyfriend not feel rejected and have something to fantasize and look forward to! Just make sure to follow through on your promise!
Hello!
My question involves me using a vibrator. I find it extremely enjoyable but I heard it can be habit forming ad take away the pleasure I get from my boyfriend. Is this true?
Female 34, Texas
Hello there!
Why not use technology that makes you feel good? A vibrator can be habit forming, but it is not necessarily dangerous! For many women, a vibrator makes them more easily orgasmic. If you are worried about whether or not it would take away from your boyfriend why not…add the vibrator to your lovemaking. Most men get more pleasure from a woman who is really enjoying sex. Let me give you an exercise to try at home: Try doggie style, slipping the vibrator underneath and have it touch your clitoris while he is fucking you from behind. You’ll find the results to be extremely pleasurable!
Hi,
I have this problem that has made me worried. I haven’t had sex recently or anything but recently I have noticed that balls and ass itch really badly. its kind of red and worst of all when I try to pull my foreskin back it hurts! I see these little cuts or split skin near the top of my foreskin. I am kind of embarrassed to go see my doctor, is there anything I could do? Please help me!
Male, 19 California
First of all, I am not a physician AND second you should not feel embarrassed to go see your doctor. They are there for you when you’re not well! No judgement included! However, I will leave your mind to ease. It sounds like a yeast or fungal infection! Yes, guys (especially uncut guys) can get yeast infections on their penis and genital area. The best cure for a yeast infection is an anti-fungal cream (your doctor can determine the right kind and strength) and good hygiene care like a bath with Epsom Salts or Selenium Sulfide scrub. Once you have such a fungal infection it may be easier for you to get them, so good preventative care may be needed. Limiting processed sugar, drinking plenty of water, taking a probiotic, and perhaps a tincture of Goldenseal root may be of great help during and right after a period of infection. Limiting sugar and drinking plenty of water limits food supply the yeast has to grow on; while taking a probiotic increases the good bacteria in your body which eats the yeast/fungus and crowds out other foreign matter leaving only healthy tissue; and a tincture of Goldenseal root is a little overkill but helps keep the fungus/yeast from sticking to the membranes of your skin and body. **Just remember, I am no doctor and you should really see a physician first to rule out any other illness. Furthermore, I hold no responsibility for your actions.
Well that about wraps it up! If you have any questions you might want to see on this blog feel free to shoot me a message!
***All information in this blog is for educational purposes, I hold no responsibility for your actions!
Wolfie Blue 